Odd turn of events

Last Thursday, I had a job interview. The night before, I was feeling rather hesitant, and not really sure why. The interview went fairly well, I thought, and if anything, I thought that if they didn't hire me, it might have been because I was slightly over qualified. I sent very nice thank you notes over the weekend, and was going to follow up this week.

Yesterday morning, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was the HR lady from the company where I'd interviewed, and with whom I'd first met. (She was working from home that day, so the call wasn't the company's main number, which I would have recognized.) I knew right away that I didn't get the job, without her saying more than "we've concluded our interview process." She went on to say that they had made their selection, and she even told me that I was the top candidate after the one who got the job--the person they hired had more technical print book experience than I did. She also told me that they enjoyed meeting me very much and to keep an eye on postings at the company, and hopefully she'd see me again someday.

Many people might be super bummed getting this kind of news, but I was OKAY. I wasn't bummed. I didn't get upset. In fact, it was slightly relieving to know that I didn't have to make a choice! Since I was at work, I couldn't say much to her, but her end of the phone call was honestly one of the best rejection calls I've ever received. In fact, it might have been the only one I've received--just impersonal letters and emails. I thanked her for calling and said "I just have to say that I appreciate you taking the time to let me know." She said something about how she's been on the other side and doesn't want to leave anyone hanging. I wish all HR people and hiring managers followed this practice. I'm sure it's not fun to call people and say "hey, you didn't get the job!" but it is the right thing. I might follow up with an email, just to say thanks again. I had to be so "cryptic" since I was at my desk, I might have come off slightly robotic, lol.

Then we had our health insurance meeting. I went into the room, steeling myself for the inevitable, and when I opened the packet to view the prices...THEY WERE LOWER. For EVERY plan. Finally, someone saw the light and contacted OTHER insurance brokers! We'd been using the same guy for years, and I think he's a modern-day snake oil salesman. My father had used him when my family business needed benefits and was highly displeased with the guy. The new broker is great, the representative from the insurance company was super, too. We won't be with the same company anymore, but I had been on this new company years ago when I worked at a different job.

Now to pick a plan... There are four plans to choose from--HSA, POS, and two HMOs. Yes, they are all lower than what we're currently paying (for almost identical coverage), but there is one that would be HALF as much as what we're currently paying. Before Turtle was laid off, the plan was to go on his company's insurance since it would have been cheaper. That option had been removed from the table, and I wasn't looking forward to going into this meeting to find out that we'd have to pay MORE. It is such a relief to know that isn't what we're facing, and we have the potential to have up to $200 extra a month in our pockets. (We currently pay $441 every two weeks, for two people--just thankful that two people aren't considered a "family" plan.)

I keep thinking that there might be a reason for me to stay at this job. I don't know what it is yet. My boss drives me up the wall, and most days I don't even talk to him, but I am getting to do more and more, I have a lot of responsibility, and I'm actually thinking about asking for a title change pretty soon. I'm thinking July, since it'll be six months since my old boss left. I have stepped up a lot, I have a lot of "freedom," and my relationship with the owners has grown SO much.

My only concern was/is how they'd handle me being pregnant and going on maternity leave. We have our first pregnant employee now (we'll call her Mary, ha) and they haven't been as flexible as I'd hoped they'd be. Mary has worked at our company a few months longer than me, too. I don't know if it's because of her department head (he's kinda jerky and VERY SERIOUS) or if it's the nature of her workload, but I know she hoped for something different. I also know that they can't do more for one than they did another, so...I just hope that they will change a bit once her baby is here.

Another coworker (who is very good friends w/ Mary) and I were talking about what Mary had asked for, what the company was going to do/not do, and our thoughts were similar--while we know that you can't get everything you want, it's still better for the company to treat a pregnant employee super well. Who's to say that she isn't searching now? Or won't search while on leave if she can find something that works better with her new life as a mom? If Mary were to leave, for any reason, the company would have to spend time and money looking for someone to take her place, train them, get them up to speed. During that time, the rest of the department would feel that pinch, people would be stressed. It's common sense. If I were a company owner and had someone who'd been working for me long-term, like Mary or myself, I'd make it so I could keep them around as long as possible. Yes, everyone is replaceable, pretty much, but when you look at the bigger picture, I'd rather keep an awesome employee and let her work 2 days a week from home, vs. losing her and having to start over from scratch. (I don't really know what she asked for, but that might be something I would ask for!)

When I look at my own job duties and what I know, I've been in my department the longest. I know a LOT of random stuff that you just can't teach someone. Besides, the owners don't know all of what I know! I'm valuable! I hope that when my time comes, if I happen to still be there, they will see my value and want to work with me. I do have the advantage of having one of the owners as head of my department--the wife of the couple who owns our company--and they have two kids. Maybe that will be my ace?

We weren't always Byzantine Catholic, Part 1

(another series, I guess--I'd been meaning to tell this story for months. I noticed that Elizabeth over at That Married Couple recently started telling her story, too.)

This is the story of how we became Byzantine Catholic. It wasn't as simple as "oh hey, let's go try this church." In fact, one of us was going to a Byzantine church their entire life, but wasn't really Eastern Rite.

When we met, T told me he was Byzantine Catholic, which I'd never heard of. I always thought of myself as pretty knowledgeable about religion and especially Catholicism.

HELLO, I went to a CATHOLIC COLLEGE. I took MANY religion classes. So of course, I was a SCHOLAR. (that's all sarcasm, folks)

Obviously, I hadn't heard about there being other Rites under Rome. I thought T was telling me he was Orthodox. "Oh you're not under the Pope," I remember telling him on the phone once. "No, we are," he said, starting to lose his patience. "But HOW???" I said.

He gave me a VERY elementary explanation: it's like a hybrid of Roman Catholic and Orthodox.

"But you're under the Pope???" I asked, incredulously.

"Yes!" he said.

I started searching around the internet, trying to learn more about this Byzantine thing.

Part 2 to come! Need to head to work :)

Ever feel like you'll never get a break?

I do.

On Facebook, I keep seeing women who are stay at home moms talking about how they are going on vacation and little trips--both with and without their families. So first, they get to stay home, which I know is not all fun and games--and that's not my point. It's the traveling and getting to do what they want!

Meanwhile, here I am, working my butt off every day. We have no children. Usually people in our shoes travel as much as they can. We haven't gone on vacation since September/October 2007. Yes, our honeymoon. We did go to Philadelphia for a long weekend for our 1st anniversary, even though Turtle was laid off. We were going to go to Cape Cod this summer since my aunt has a house there, but now he's laid off again.

What are we doing wrong? Oh wait, I know, my husband got laid off. One woman's husband has been laid off too, yet they've gone to Hawaii twice and in the winters were skiing in Vermont every weekend. (I'm pretty sure her parents retired to VT & they have other family in Hawaii, which of course takes care of lodging, so I will give her a pass, I think.)

I KNOW that there's more than meets the eye with most people. And I know it's Facebook, where things can be embellished. These people could be charging up the wazoo on credit cards or get hand-outs from Mom & Dad. But still, I feel like I work SO hard and have very little down time or anything enjoyable. Especially now that I'm the sole earner. All of the pressure is on me.

I'd like a break, please.

I haven't taken a "real" vacation day, even one to just sit around my house, in....I don't know how long. The last vacation day I had was for Easter (Good Friday). My other time off in 2011 was for my friend's wedding and Turtle's wisdom teeth surgery. Before that, my vacation time was used for my grandfather's funeral in October, my hand surgery in April (2010) and other days/hours for physical therapy. I only get 2 weeks of vacation and until this year, only 3 sick days. (We now get 4.) I can't even call out sick as a mental health day since there's too much work to be done and I have no back up. I come home, tired and cranky. I can't even make my home a refuge--doing fun things after work and on weekends--because there's stuff piling up since I'm too tired. It's a vicious cycle. You'd think we had 6 kids for how much laundry needs to be done and put away. The dishes...oy. And the cleaning? It's embarrassing and horrible, but there's a room that was never properly cleaned...and we've lived here for over 18 months now. (There is a newly constructed division of labor now that Turtle's home all day, which I will blog about soon, but the home is the woman's domain, no matter how sexist that sounds. I am better at it. It's true! Yet I can't even get myself together.)

Ahh, the life of leisure...to do what I want, when I want. Not necessarily idleness, just activities that have a personal purpose. Maybe in retirement? If I live that long.

The Laid Off Spouse Part 1: Reality sets in

On Monday I was going to start a series about being the spouse of someone who has been laid off. I wrote most of the post (about what was different this time vs. the last time we dealt with a lay off), but then didn't get around to putting it up.

Why? Reality set in. The post was written earlier in the day, when I was still feeling pretty chipper and optimistic about this new adventure. Then I got home and didn't feel as positive. It'd be a disservice to myself and to anyone reading this to put up something that I wasn't 100% behind. Hence, this post which was mostly written on Tuesday, and finished on Wednesday.

I don't hide my emotions well. I have a hard time just moving on from things. People have tried to tell me to let stuff go, don't over-think...but that's how I roll. It's too bad if you don't like it or can't understand it. Maybe I don't understand those who prefer to live in delusion, ignoring what's going on around them. That can be a worse way to live, to not deal.

So now I'm going to tell you what it's like being married to someone who is laid off. For the second time in our almost four year marriage.

It sucks. BADLY.

The first time was hard enough. But to have to go through it again? Yes, there are some positives this time around vs. last time, and I will blog about them, eventually. I just wasn't feeling it Monday night.

I don't remember if I've ever mentioned this here, but Turtle has PTSD, as a result of the horrible accident he was in. Yes, other people, besides veterans, can have this. It's irritating when trying to find materials and resources about PTSD when everything points to veterans. Not that they aren't entitled to be studied, written about, etc, but I think people who haven't been exposed to it just assume that it can't happen to anyone else, which leads to a lot of misunderstanding. The easiest way to explain it is that it's an anxiety disorder, brought on from a traumatic experience. Everyone's PTSD is different--some people have extreme cases, like serious flashbacks (I always think of Vietnam vets) to just nervousness and agitation about things in life--this is more or less how Turtle's is.

If you are interested in learning more about PTSD, Cate Linden at Liberal Simplicity (which I've been following for over a year) wrote about her PTSD, following a rape. When I found her blog, I had no idea that she had been through this in her past. I'd just liked her blog! When I read that post, I asked Cate if her husband, Jason, would ever be willing to share his thoughts about living with her and dealing with her PTSD. About a month later, he wrote a complimentary post as the spouse of someone with PTSD. (I commented on both of their posts, as Rabbit, so you can read my thoughts there.)

I don't talk about it much--I'm sure that many of my friends don't know, because it's not something you just bring up. I forget who knows and who doesn't. So, I often feel alone when dealing with his symptoms, partly because I don't know who knows, and partly because people have their own lives to deal with and don't always understand. It's easy for people to just gloss over things, to focus on what they think is important to look at, and not understand what I'm saying (or NOT saying).

Back to what's currently going on at our house before I go off on a huge tangent!

This lay off, while expected, has brought out some of Turtle's more extreme symptoms, although some of the things he is experiencing are typical of anyone going through a bad time.

Typical stuff: He's not sleeping well. He's worried about finding another job. He's worried about me having to be the sole breadwinner and the pressure that it entails. He hates that he can't provide for us. He also hates that our plans for a family are put on hold yet again. Not that we were going to try anytime soon, but it was being discussed more frequently prior to the lay off.

NOT typical: His stomach is in constant pain (this is also where the majority of his accident injuries and surgeries were). He gets agitated easily. The slightest annoyance REALLY gets to him. When he is in pain, he can't do much. It's pretty debilitating, and there's really nothing that can be done. One of the "lovely" side effects of having your abdomen split from sternum to pelvis for almost a year. In normal life, his stomach only bothers him after eating or when he's exerted himself a bit too much, but when the mental/emotional stuff kicks in, it manifests in his stomach.

Monday night, I had a little breakdown. I was tired, not feeling great (I'm fighting allergies or a cold), overwhelmed with everything. Also, Monday was two full weeks since the lay off. His last day was Thursday, May 19, but I'm not counting that Friday--that was more of a "day off" for him. I've had a crazy 2 weeks at work, including a business trip and preparations for a month-long event which kicked off June 1. I feel as if I'm not holding up my end of things at home. Yes, he's doing more chores since he's home but the things that I'm doing aren't getting done or are getting done sloppily. When he worked, I had much more alone time--I have flex time, he didn't. Two days a week, he worked 12-8, so I had the house to myself until almost 9 pm, time which I spend doing my chores. With him home, it throws me off! Which is not a slam against him, or wishing he'd go away.

It's a new reality, and it takes getting used to. We're still in an adjustment period. We'll get used to this, just like we did last time. I hope there isn't much time to get used to it (meaning: he gets a new job soon). I am feeling much better today, but I still feel like I need to put this out there, for those who have been laid off or living with someone who had, so that they know they aren't alone...and also for those people who've never experienced a lay off, to maybe understand what their family or friends are going through.

Mixed emotions

Tomorrow is my interview, but I don't want to go. I don't know why. I've never been this apathetic about an interview--I don't get many opportunities. Is it because last time I got my hopes WAY too high? Is it because I'm scared that if I were to take a new job, it wouldn't be safe as where I am now?

I don't know.

I'm also a bit annoyed at the dress code changes that have been reinforced since the warm weather appeared. I believe a super strict dress code is equal to treating employees like children, especially when things that were acceptable a year ago are no longer considered as such. It's even more difficult when your income has been slashed in half. Although you try to look for things on sale, you still end up spending more money than you want. Especially with shoes. I don't know if shoes have changed, or if something is wrong with my feet, but I went to THREE shoe stores this weekend, all with a large variety, and had a difficult time finding something that 1) was appropriate per our dress code 2) that fit comfortably and 3) didn't cost too much. I ended up with 2 pairs of Born sandal/shoes (I don't know what you'd call them and I can't find a picture right now) but they were about $65 each. More than I wanted to spend but I was desperate since my only pair of summer shoes were now inappropriate.

Also regarding the shoes: sandals aren't OK unless they have a heel. Way to be discriminatory. What if you can't wear heels due to back or leg problems? I get no flip flops--I would never have worn them to work, but jeez, it's pretty bad when you say "no sandals" but "open-toed shoes are acceptable." They can be interchangeable sometimes. It's confusing. No wonder my coworker took pictures of her shoes and emailed them to HR, asking which were OK. That was gutsy of her, but I hope it proved a point. We're not in a warehouse or a dangerous environment.

(The dress code situation doesn't make me want to leave. I get that the company wants to show a more professional appearance to the outside world. I just wish it wasn't so drastic that almost everything I wore last summer is now taboo. Even knee-length shorts! But a girl could wear a skirt short enough to show off her...you know, and that would be okay. The men are also upset that last year they could wear neat, clean khaki-type shorts and a polo shirt, and now cannot.)

In other news, I got gas for $3.97 yesterday :) and had a pretty good day at work today. :)

Where I've been

I didn't think I'd disappear from blogging for over a week. I was making such good progress at keeping this up to date.

Here's what's been going on in our house for the past few weeks and what's been keeping me from blogging.

1) Turtle got laid off. At first, it was just a threat of a possible layoff. Then it was definitely coming, just didn't know when. Then, it happened. It'll be 2 weeks this Thursday since his last day. I'll be writing more about this over the next few days since I am now an expert at being the wife of a laid off individual. (Yes, this is not the first time he's been laid off.)

2) I went to New York on business. Given that you all know that I work in publishing, it's really no big secret as to why. BookExpo America was last week, which is the biggest trade show for the publishing industry.

3) I won an iPad while I was in NYC--it was a giveaway at one of the events I attended. No, I am not typing this entry from there. I wish! It's arriving in a few weeks, since it was ordered following the giveaway. I didn't get any other free stuff that one might get at a trade show. Besides booze and food, I mean. :-)

4) Our gardens are coming along amazingly. Pictures to come! Our main vegetable garden is doing great, our vegetable garden behind our garage (just beans & peas) are sprouting already, the perennials we planted around the house have transplanted well. I even got Turtle to dig out the area around our mailbox and planted perennials there as well.

5) I've been casually searching for a new job for the past few months, even with DH's job situation on the fence. Oddly enough, while in NYC, no sooner than a half hour before I won the iPad, I got a call from another local publisher about an interview, which I scheduled for this week. I will not be jumping ship from my current job unless the offer is wonderfully awesome, because of DH's unemployment. We'll see how this goes.

6) Our firewood pile fell over. The pile made it through the feet of snow we received over the winter, a blizzard with 60+ MPH winds, heavy spring rains...and what happens? After planting Friday night, DH sits in a lawn chair, maybe 50 ft from it, and looks at it. Five seconds later, it came crashing to the ground. Good times. We rebuilt our racks, re-stacked the wood, and it should be good to go. But who likes re-work?!

I'm OK

And I'll be back soon. Lots of things going on and not much time to blog about them.