And then there were ten...

Sometimes I go to church and want to cry. Yes, cry for my little church. It's a wonderful place, and I feel like it's slowly dying.

Today (August 15th, that is, this post is being written close to the midnight hour) is the Feast of the Dormition, or Assumption, for you Romans. Every holy day, I approach church with a bit of fear and sadness...hoping that I'll be wrong, that there will be more people, and then sadly realizing that I was right. No one comes.

We only had ten people at Divine Liturgy this evening. Yes, ten. 10.

The priest
The boy altar server
Boy's father and one of his sisters
The cantor
90 year old woman who still drives herself, God Bless her
A couple in their 70s
A recently widowed 70 something man

Oh yeah, and me. *waves* Chris was working until 7, which was the exact same time that DL started. There is no way he would make it, but Father excused him on Sunday.

I raced up to the city where our church is after I got out of work at 6. A patron had a question for me as I was trying to leave, so I didn't get into the car until 6:10. I made it to [city] with minutes to spare. I brought flowers from our garden for our Theotokos. No one else did. (Yes, they sat in my car all day. I cracked the windows, made sure they had plenty of water, and parked in the shade. It was a beautiful day and not too hot, which helped. They did well, see?)

I now have a smart phone. With a camera.

I also channeled Priest's Wife--last night, I assembled our dinner in the crock pot, and got that going before I left the house this morning, before 8:30. I cooked extra rice and steamed vegetables last night so that we didn't have to worry about those tonight. Just heat up a plate, and add the crock pot chicken on top.

I didn't get home until well after 9 pm, thanks to the state of CT deciding to do all road improvements during the summer at night. The usual 40 minute ride home from church took another 20 minutes. I had a very full day and I still managed to "do it all" or do most of it all ;-)

I don't understand why me, the one who grew up Roman, who lives ~45 minutes away and worked 9 hours before driving to DL, still made it to church, by herself, and so many other people can't or won't. That's why I feel like crying, that I put in so much and get so little out of it. And yes, I know it's not about me. It's about God and all of that. And I feel like I'm good with that stuff. But if our church dies, because of low numbers, then that's not going to help anyone's relationship with God, and how we serve Him as we worship. Indirectly, it's a mutually beneficial relationship.

Also making me sad: the lack of community aspect in our parish. That the only other young people (around our ages) do not engage with Chris or me. I have a few theories as to why, and I hesitate to say what they are at the risk of being called paranoid. Chris and I go back and forth about this: he thinks that a parish shouldn't be for socialization, but as a woman, I think my viewpoint is skewed because most women crave community, belonging, fellowship, sisterhood, whatever you want to call it. It shouldn't be wrong to want that from where you worship, from the place/events that shape your life. In a perfect world, I'd have a church community not so far away from my home, that I might run into people from church at the grocery store, at the library, at the garden center...and get to know them a little better, more organically than a few minutes as we're walking out of the church door to our cars each week.

*Sigh*

Speaking of Priest's Wife, she is looking for suggestions on how our little Eastern Catholic parishes can survive and thrive. If you have something to add, she's all ears. (Or would it be eyes since this is print?)

I Can Haz No Pope? Brief (Maybe Funny?) Thoughts...

Silly kitty, you're only Roamin' Catlick, not Roman Catholic!

 
So, we Catholics now have no Pope. But it's not like in the past when we mourned one Pope's death (which may or may not have been expected). This is different, and regardless of the REAL or FAKE reasons His Holiness decided to step down, this leaves all Catholics in a bit of a lurch.

However, some of us Byzantine Catholics are in a bit of a bigger lurch. Those of us in the Eparchy of Passaic, specifically.

At the beginning of the Divine Liturgy, we pray the Litany of Peace, which are prayers said by the priest, to which the congregants reply "Lord, have mercy." See all of it here.
 
The part I'm looking at is this:

For our holy ecumenical pontiff (N) the Pope of Rome let us pray to the Lord

as well as this: 

For our most reverend archbishop and metropolitan (N.,) for our God-loving bishop (N.,) for the venerable priesthood, the diaconate in Christ, and for all the clergy and the people let us pray to the Lord


You already know of one problem. We now have no Pope, so I don't know WHAT the priest will say.

The other problem: we have no Bishop. Ours was elevated to Archbishop and Metropolitan. Our priest has been saying "for all the Bishops" in place of "for our God-loving bishop (N.)" as we await the selection of our new Eparchial leader.

We're going from:

For our holy ecumenical pontiff Benedict the Pope of Rome let us pray to the Lord

and: 

For our most reverend archbishop and metropolitan William, for all the Bishops, for the venerable priesthood, the diaconate in Christ, and for all the clergy and the people let us pray to the Lord

...to who knows? What will this weekend's Divine Liturgies sound like????

ALL WE HAVE IS A METROPOLITAN!!!!!! GOD SAVE THE BYZCATHS!!!!!

Getting around on the blogosphere...

Today, a post that I had written for Jen at Meditatio, as a part of her Proverbs 31 series, went up. Read it here: http://grace-filled.net/?p=4891

I think this is my first guest post! Next up Huffington Post!! ;-)

Lent is here

Today is the beginning of Lent, for us Byz Caths, as I wrote last week. 

I also happen to be off work today, since it's Presidents' Day, and I'd rather do some things around the house versus sit in front of a computer like I usually do Monday through Friday. I'm happy I already wrote my Lent post. Yay planning ahead!

If you'd like to see what some other bloggers are doing for Lent, check out The Alluring World's link up!

We weren't always Byzantine Catholic, part 2

Last week, I started my Thursday series (which will NOW be called "Thursday Thoughts") and began the story about how C and I weren't always Byzantine Catholic. You can read part one, here. Today, I share with you part two of our story, albeit on Saturday. Priest's Wife, if I've made any errors in explaining church law, please, jump in!!! :-D

We met Fr. G, C's parish priest, at the rectory, one sweltering evening in July or August (we'd gotten engaged in June), and the only reason I remember this so well was that there was very little air conditioning, if any at all. We sat in Fr. G's stuffy office; he knew why we were there, but C reminded him of the topic. Fr. G looked at C and smiled.

"Well, first we have to figure out if you truly are Byzantine rite."

C's face dropped. "What, what do you mean???" he sputtered.

Fr. G went on to explain that he had his suspicions about C and his family because C's last name is a very common Irish one, and knowing his parents and other family members, there was little doubt that his father was born and baptized Roman Catholic. He said, "Most people with Irish last names in our churches join via marriage. As you know, we're predominantly Slovak here at St. J's."

C nodded, taking in what Fr. G was saying.

Fr. G continued, "The reason I'm bringing all of this up is because of Canon Law, a child follows the rite of the father, regardless of where they were baptized." He paused for a second. "So technically, you are canonically Roman Catholic. Even though you were baptized in this parish, and raised here. Do you know if your dad was raised Roman or Byzantine, and if he ever switched his rite officially? I can't find anything in our records."

"No, I don't think so," C answered, still amazed. "I'll have to ask. I mean, I know he said he liked Mom's church better than the Roman rite, so I am assuming he was raised Roman, plus, he was born in Louisiana [ed. note: mostly Roman Catholic, especially back when C's dad was born]. He never had a problem going with her when they were dating and then after they got married..." He trailed off, looking rather sad.

"It's actually quite common. It happened to me," Fr. G announced.

Both C and I looked surprised. Fr. G went on to explain how both of his parents were Byzantine, or so they thought, but only his mother really was as his paternal grandfather was Roman Catholic. It was only when he was getting ready to enter the seminary did he discover this little issue. To rectify it, he had to petition the Roman Catholic diocese for a rite transfer, as well as the Byzantine eparchy. It was a matter of paperwork and keeping track of numbers; he compared it to moving to a new town and re-registering to vote.

"Of course, it's a bit more serious," he explained, "especially because it's Canon Law and you'd be dealing with the bishops in both rites. But it's not impossible. Here's what you should do: first, go home and talk with your father about this. Then you'll know one way or the other. If he didn't change rites, you're going to have to get married in the Roman rite, which solves the problem of where to get married. " He smiled. "If he did change rites, then you'll be getting married here, since the rite of the groom determines where the ceremony is to be held."

I groaned, inwardly.  We left, in search of answers. C felt completely blown away.

To be continued...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is the Canon Law that the priest was referring to regarding children, baptism, and which rite to which they belong:

The 1990 CODE OF CANONS OF ORIENTAL CHURCHES states:
Canon 29 -
§1. By virtue of baptism, a child who has not yet completed his fourteenth year of age is enrolled in the Church sui iuris of the Catholic father; or the Church sui iuris of the mother if only the mother is Catholic or if both parents by agreement freely request it, with due regard for particular law established by the Apostolic See.
§2. If the child who has not yet completed his fourteenth year is:
     1° born of an unwed mother, he is enrolled in the Church sui iuris to which the mother belongs;
     2° born of unknown parents, he is to be enrolled in the Church sui iuris of those in whose care he has been legitimately committed are enrolled; if it is a case of an adoptive father and mother, 1 should be applied;
     3° born of non-baptized parents, the child is to be a member of the Church sui iuris of the one who is responsible for his education in the Catholic faith.

We weren't always Byzantine Catholic, part 1

Today, I'm introducing my new Thursday series, which is not-yet named. I had thought about Theology Thursday, but I'm not a theological scholar and my posts will be more than that. On Thursdays, I'll be talking about faith, religion, my experiences with both, stories involving them, etc. Anything that can fall under this topic will be discussed. So here we go...

For a long time I've been hinting, both here and on other blogs (mainly Priest Wife's) that we weren't always Byzantine Catholic. I kept saying "I've gotta tell the story!" but haven't taken the time to write it all down. Some of you who have paid close attention might be thinking you've heard me mention things about C being raised Byz Cath or attending his church.

Aha. Just because one attends a church doesn't make them a member of that religion.

I'm going to tell the story as I lived it, instead of at the beginning, just because it makes more sense to me and I wasn't alive at what would be considered the beginning. Neither was C.

When I met C, I found out he was Byz Cath, and quickly got educated in what that was. I met his priest while C was in the hospital, and he looked just like any priest that I'd known growing up and in college. After C's recovery, we attended some divine liturgies at his family church. Very different. I didn't like it. It was "weird" and not what I had grown up with.

Then we got engaged. Where to have the wedding? I, of course, wanted it at my family church, where I'd received all of my sacraments up to that point. C wanted it at his church. I argued that it was always at the bride's church. C felt that we'd probably have to raise our kids Roman,* so why not at least get married at his church. While I really liked C's priest (he was young and friendly, and reminded me a lot of the priests I had gotten to know in college) and would have wanted him marry us,** I wasn't so sure about getting married in a "weird" church, not to mention most of the people attending would be Roman and familiar with my church. C thought what better way to teach more people about the Byzantine rite than a wedding, when people WANT to attend? On the other hand, my attendance at my family church had been sporadic (see, I'm FAR from perfect) and we had a new pastor, who I hadn't met. I had my aunt ask her good friend (a Roman priest) if C and I could get married in the Roman church, or if we'd need any paperwork. He said there would be no issue.

We decided to go talk to each priest and see what they had to say about the issue of where to get married. We started with Fr. G, C's priest...which is where we found out something very interesting about C and his family.

To be continued next Thursday!


*We weren't sure where we'd live or have a family, but we probably knew we wouldn't be near any Byz Cath churches, hence the assumption.
**I know, in all Catholic wedding ceremonies, the priests don't marry the couple. The couple marries each other.

Liturgical changes in this house

Before I begin, I'm really tired of referring to my husband as Turtle. I don't know, it's been bothering me for awhile. I am now going to refer to him by his first initial, which is C. And I will refer to myself as J (my first initial). I'm about to just say our names, because this is getting slightly ridiculous.

Anyway. I think I may have mentioned this before, but C had been approached a few months ago by our priest, Father T, about being an altar server. Those of you familiar with Catholicism might be thinking "isn't he a little...old to be up there?" Another difference between the Roman church and the Byzantine church: any male, between the ages of 7 and 70, may serve on the altar in our church. (I think they can be older than 70, but that's what our priest wrote in the bulletin as a call for servers.) And no girls, either, which used to bother me, but now I get it--women can't be priests, so WHY allow them to be up there in the first place? I think that's a worse situation...to be told "Oh you can be an altar server!!! But that's all, while your co-altar server could be a priest when he grows up." I can't think of a more eloquent way to say it, but it's half-assed, in my opinion.

C had been bothering Father about starting training for awhile, in a nice way, don't worry. Finally, the Saturday after Pentecost, C went up to our church and did a training session. The following day was his first Sunday on the altar. Today was his third week; I'd been meaning to write something...but you know how it is. C is currently serving with a little boy (I) who is 7 or 8. It's really funny to see the two of them up their cassocks and sticharions. (I might have the wrong word for the cassock--Priest's Wife, feel free to correct me! It's a black tunic that the servers wear over their street clothes, and the sticharion goes over that.)

Father T picked a great time to have C start serving. It's been at least 80 degrees by 9 am when Liturgy starts, so he's feeling lovely by the time the service is over. On the altar, there are fans, but they do little to help when you've got fifty candles (if not more) blazing away right near you. ;-)

After his first Liturgy on the altar, Father asked C how he felt, and C said "It's like I was always supposed to be up there, it felt almost like home." I don't know if I've ever mentioned this here, but C is also discerning whether or not he is being called to be a Deacon. That's a huge responsibility, and the church requires you to be married for seven or eight years before you can start your training, so we have time. (Not to mention, we live far from all of the seminaries, so...a lot would have to change.)

You might be wondering what I'm doing, now that my seat mate has gone to a more public location. Oh don't worry...I got roped into the choir. Well, not really, I CHOSE to be in the choir, but I was recruited heavily. It's hard to turn the cantor down when she moved the group from the choir loft into the congregation, just ONE pew up from where you usually sit. How timely! Joining the choir wasn't a huge deal; I always sang the entire Liturgy anyway. Now I just have a "part" instead of singing with the book. There are two other altos, I believer, but one doesn't come every week.

Singing has always been a part of my life. And I had been curious about the choir for some time, but just didn't feel comfortable back when I was originally asked. Now it works. I like having something to do during Liturgy and being more involved. Although it's still a little strange, with everyone else old enough (save one woman) to be my grandparents.

That's the sad part about our church, which I'll write about in another post--everyone is OLD. It's hard to "fit in" but then again, I've never really fit in anywhere, so I should just accept it. :-)


ETA: oh, and I've also changed my design/layout. I wanted something a little brighter, with more space devoted to the actual posts. I didn't like the empty side nonsense.

We weren't always Byzantine Catholic, Part 1

(another series, I guess--I'd been meaning to tell this story for months. I noticed that Elizabeth over at That Married Couple recently started telling her story, too.)

This is the story of how we became Byzantine Catholic. It wasn't as simple as "oh hey, let's go try this church." In fact, one of us was going to a Byzantine church their entire life, but wasn't really Eastern Rite.

When we met, T told me he was Byzantine Catholic, which I'd never heard of. I always thought of myself as pretty knowledgeable about religion and especially Catholicism.

HELLO, I went to a CATHOLIC COLLEGE. I took MANY religion classes. So of course, I was a SCHOLAR. (that's all sarcasm, folks)

Obviously, I hadn't heard about there being other Rites under Rome. I thought T was telling me he was Orthodox. "Oh you're not under the Pope," I remember telling him on the phone once. "No, we are," he said, starting to lose his patience. "But HOW???" I said.

He gave me a VERY elementary explanation: it's like a hybrid of Roman Catholic and Orthodox.

"But you're under the Pope???" I asked, incredulously.

"Yes!" he said.

I started searching around the internet, trying to learn more about this Byzantine thing.

Part 2 to come! Need to head to work :)

Palm Sunday reflections, a few days late

On Palm Sunday in the Byzantine Church, you don't just get palms. You also get these:

That's right, pussywillows. Isn't that cool? (That's my newly painted dining room wall in the background, by the way.)

At my first Byz Palm Sunday, I couldn't understand WHY they would give out pussywillows. That seemed so...I don't know, weird?? Then I realized that DUH, Eastern Europe has never exactly been flush with cash, and since palms aren't native plants, it would be VERY expensive to have palms shipped in from warmer climates. And I'm sure the Communists would have found some way to have stolen them from the people, or worse. This is a great example of using what you've got on hand, by the way.

Here are our "bouquets." They have been relegated to the top of the fridge for now since one of my little darlings thinks they are snacks just for her. She ate the tips off all of the palms...and then threw it all up. Beautiful.

Anyway, pussywillows were a big part of my life even before I attended a Byz Cath church. My grandfather would give them to my grandmother and me every spring, without fail. Even when he was too weak to actually walk up to the tree, he'd ride his golf cart as close as he could, use a stick or something to pull down the branch, and then snip away. When I lived next door to him, he'd leave them at my doorstep. The fact that my grandfather gave these out has led Turtle to believe that perhaps someone in my family way back was Byzantine Catholic.* I think it's just a fun thing that he liked to do.

This year, it was different. My grandfather passed away in October, and Palm Sunday was the 6th month anniversary of his funeral. It had been years since he had given me any pussywillows (he lived in a nursing home for about 2 years before his passing), it was nice. A little bittersweet, because I will always miss him, but at least now that I attend a Byz Cath church I will always get pussywillows every spring. In fact, I think the last year I got them from him was the spring before I got married. There's a wee bit of symbolism in there.


*Turtle also believes that since my grandmother did a traditional Easter basket that she had blessed on Holy Saturday, that too makes me Byz way back. It's a Eastern European thing--both grandparents were of Polish descent. But I think it's cute how T is trying to find a connection :)

Updates to some older posts

1) I spoke with our priest, Fr. T, today about a lot of things related to why our parish is struggling. Turns out my post from 3/22 was (mostly) on the mark. Look for a post later in the week about this--I don't have much time right now. Hopefully I'll remember today's conversation.

2) Guess who got 1 coat of wall paint up in the half bath this afternoon??? Yup, me. Looks so. much. better. Plan of attack--sand some of the weird spots, coat #2, touch up the parts of the ceiling that got wall paint on them, paint the trim, paint the door, any other touch ups, and THEN, move the bathroom stuff back into the bathroom. By bathroom stuff I mean curtains, mirror, trash basket, etc.

Off to watch a movie with the other half--have a great week!

Thoughts on Byzantine Catholicism

As I've posted before, we're Byzantine Catholic. For more explanation, see the Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_Catholic Trust me, it's just easier that way.

Anyway, liturgies have always been much much smaller than Roman rite Masses, attendance-wise. It's true, there aren't very many Byzantine Catholics in the world, so it's not surprising that the numbers, when compared with Roman churches, would be vastly different.

From what our priests have said, attendance has been on a steady decline over the past few decades. (I heard the same thing when attending a Roman church, but when your numbers were always low to begin with, I guess you notice it more.) Priest's Wife wrote a post on Monday looking back at a weekend spent at both a Byzantine liturgy and a Roman Mass.

A lot of what she said reminded me of Sundays at our church. We drive a long way to attend liturgy. We are the youngest adults there and there are only 3 children attending regularly. It got me thinking about a meeting we had with our priest prior to Lent about how we could grow our church, spiritually AND getting people who had fallen away to return. Why would people want to come back? But why did they go away in the first place?

I've heard the talk, the stories (good and bad), the gossip about the priest at one church who got involved with a parishioner and ended up leaving the priesthood and is now married to that woman, but not without first closing one of the churches in the parish...wait, this might be confusing.

Here's the short version of the backstory: DH's childhood parish had two churches. One in a nearby big city, one in a suburb. The priest who left closed the big city church, per Bishop's orders, but the suburb one was kept open. A year or so goes by, we're getting pinch-hitting priests, including Ukranian rite priests, Roman priests, etc. It's pretty interesting. Finally, we get a priest. This guy is FRESH out of seminary! After he barely gets settled, the Bishop asks him to be the administrator to another church in another big city, because that priest sort of was kicked out after some disagreements with parishioners and newcomers, which turned into some thinly veiled racism. Welcome to being a pastor, indeed.

So we've got people in both places who are angry, confused, betrayed, etc. And we have some with a language barrier, which always makes things entertaining. Some people left both churches because they were upset by what happened with the respective priests and respective parishes. That's too bad though, because it shouldn't be that way.

Was this the only reason that attendance has dropped? I don't think so. I'm not a sociologist or a professional in urban studies, but there are a few things that I learned with my fancy-pants American Studies degree that I don't get to use in my real life, but they still stick in my brain. Might as well see how they apply here.

Suburbia! I think that has a lot to do with why people have drifted from (in this case) Eastern Catholicism.

The church we attend most of the time was constructed in the late 1800s/early 1900s. I'm sure that back then, the streets surrounding the church were filled with parishioners, like in many cities and towns. As time went on, people made better wages, could save their money, and started moving out the the 'burbs and "the country" as they thought it was the place to be. Look at Levittown, New York. When did that spring up? Post World War II. Guess what? The churches didn't always follow, especially where we live. (Before anyone comments about how there are Eastern churches on Long Island, shhh, we don't live there! But we know, we had a few priests from that area when we were between pastors.) You had to go back to the city to attend liturgy. Now, there might have been enough "old timers" who stayed behind to give the parish reason for remaining. Or maybe it was financially better to stay put. Looking at the Eastern Catholic churches in our state, a LARGE majority of them are in cities.

I hate to say it but people are creatures of habit and get lazy. If it is a 20 or 30 minute ride to church on Sunday, who wants to do that?? Not when there are other things to do! (Or a Roman church looks okay and is right down the road...) I realize that this is a huge blanket statement and not everyone left because of this, but when talking with people at church...they come from all over! Hardly anyone lives in the city anymore. (And I'll admit, there are many Sundays where I don't want to get up at 7am to leave the house by 8/8:15 for a 9am liturgy. What is this, a work day!? I'd much rather sleep til 8:30, roll out of bed, throw on clothes and run up the street for the 9am Mass. And I have done that. Along with not going at all on other Sundays. I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be. I will say that the weeks I don't go to church at all are horrible, and the weeks where we don't go to liturgy just don't feel right.)

Assimilation. A large part of my degree focused on immigrants and the American Experience, what it means to be American, etc. Now I really get to use it!! Most Eastern rite churches are comprised of one ethnic group, settled by immigrants at the turn of the 20th century. Over time the ethnic boundaries blurred as people moved around, but I believe that this also led to people drifting from the church of their homeland. When looking at the 1950s and HUAC in particular, is it any wonder that people might have completely left their rite? Roman Catholics had their prejudices in the 1800s, but by 1950, being Roman Catholic was much more acceptable. Hello Kennedys.

Age. Our parish is a fast-greying one (maybe I should skip to "white"), which could be another reason why attendance has dropped. Older people get timid about driving, they don't want to go too far, or don't feel comfortable navigating the highways. Add that to distance (if they live in the 'burbs) and there are two reasons for low attendance.

What about mixed marriages? Not just between Eastern Catholics and Romans, but other religions too. Maybe a family doesn't really practice ANY religion anymore, or they practice the other spouse's faith. If Roman churches (or any other house of worship, really) is closer, more convenient, prettier, friendlier, whatever, people might go there instead. This is coming from someone who is in a mixed marriage, but happens to like the Byzantine rite much better. I chose this, on my own. Turtle never said "if you marry me, we can only go to a Byz Cath church." Who knows, if I'd never met him, maybe I would have never heard of this rite and would have been not 100% happy with the Roman church, but not knowing what else to do. Have no fear, the Byzantine rite is not 100% perfect. If it were, I would not be writing this post!

With so many reasons why participation has gone down, how can we begin to work at bringing people back? Where do we start? Do people want to come back, do they even miss their old church? I know that some are so hurt and disappointed, they'd rather walk through fire than return. That's their choice, and I hope they know that they'd always be welcomed back, should they choose to return. Then there are people who are comfortable in their ways, and haven't given their old church much thought...but they might, if they got a gentle reminder. What about those people who never came to church at all because their parents stopped going (or went Roman) before they were born? I am not keen on direct evangelization; if this makes me a bad Christian, then I don't know what to say. I don't feel comfortable talking with people about religion if I don't know their background or beliefs. To me, it's like pushing--and I don't believe in pushing anyone to do anything. I wouldn't appreciate someone of a different faith trying quite earnestly to get me to join their religion; I try to practice that same respect when around others. Of course, that can seem as though I'm hiding my faith, which has its own problems.

I don't know if there is a clear answer as for what to do to solve the problems that our church is facing. There are people who care about its survival; are we enough?

Ash Wednesday, then & now

For those who asked, or were wondering, Sunday's dinner went well. Although my parents have this habit of arriving early, when we're still cooking. I love them, but please, when I say come at 5, that means come at 5 or shortly thereafter. Not 4:30! We can't visit much when we're still cooking and busy with last minute things. And yes, we're totally informal and they are welcome to hang out in the kitchen (or wherever) while we're wrapping things up, but I don't like that!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. As some of you may know, I was raised Roman Catholic. I went through all the sacraments, was pretty involved with my parish (even served as Youth Representative to the Parish Council), went to a Roman college, where I thought I'd meet a nice Roman boy, get married, have cute Roman babies and raise them in a Roman parish. And then everyone lived happily ever after. The end. I know, I'm oversimplifying waaaayyy too much, but aren't stories fun? :) Especially when, post-college, I didn't really go to church all that much. I guess you could say I was culturally Catholic at that point?

How things turn out! My "boy" was Byzantine Catholic, not Roman (well, he was Roman at the time, but didn't know it...this could get messy, more later). When I met him (and not IN college--the scandal!), I had never heard of Byzantine Catholics! When he described it to me, I thought he meant Orthodox, which I had heard of, and even had Orthodox friends in college, including one girl who's father was a priest. He kept saying that he wasn't Orthodox, that he was under the Pope too, but not Roman. I remember thinking, "Okay, crazy boy, whatever." He didn't go to church that much either, but all was cool. Later, I was fully educated and saw how one could be under the Pope but different. I might have understood, but me trying to explain it to my family and my friends? FORGET IT.

Fast forward a bit, we were married in the Roman church but for the most part, practice as Byzantines. Someday I will post more about that. I do feel at home with the Byzantines, and most of the time I don't miss the Roman church. Sure, I miss the familiar hymns (especially at Christmas) and I don't know Slavonic (an old church language; it's the Byzantine's equivalent of Latin, but not all Byz liturgies are said in Slavonic, thankfully).

When do I miss it? Ash Wednesday.

I know, it's weird. See, Byzantines don't get ashes. They don't celebrate Ash Wednesday. There's no leaving work early or coming in to the office late with ashes on your forehead. We shouldn't have to "show off" our faith/religion, but to me, there was something communal about walking around with your smudge on your forehead. Seeing other people with theirs and knowing "we're in this together." A college professor called sacraments an outward sign of an inward reality, and I feel like that could apply to the ashes. Maybe the "community" feeling comes from having attended the college I did, where faith was welcomed and incorporated into almost every moment of every day. (I say almost because certain things went on during the weekends that couldn't be included here ;-) but no worries, my college had a late night Sunday Mass which was often standing room only.) I sound like I was on my way to becoming a nun, but rest assured, I wasn't and still am not a saint. I swear. I drink alcohol. I drive too fast. I say stupid/mean/wrong things.

Now that I don't participate in Ash Wednesday, I feel weird when I see someone with ashes. Like I need to tell them that I, too, am Catholic. Perhaps I should wear a sign that says "hey I'm Catholic!" or "I believe, even if I don't have ashes!" Would anyone really care? Probably not, and I'd get some strange looks or comments from my signs. Maybe someone would ask why I don't have ashes, but have that sign on, and that would start a conversation that I don't feel 100% ready to have with a stranger who probably knows as little about Eastern Rite Catholics as I did when I met Turtle.

Does it matter who gets ashes or not? No. Does that really make one person or group of people better, more faithful, whatever, than another? No. Does it make me less Catholic or less believing? Absolutely not. This is coming from someone who went to ash distribution services religiously (ha!) every year. From someone who was scared of the "dirt" when she was little and couldn't wait to rush home after church to scrub the ashes from her forehead. But this someone still feels like she's forgetting to do something every Ash Wednesday. My forehead looks too clean...

"Fat" Sunday

Yup, today is pretty much Fat Sunday for Byzantine Catholics. Priest's Wife explains what goes on much better than I do, so you can read that here. In short, our Lent starts tomorrow, not on Ash Wednesday, like Roman Catholics. We don't get ashes on Wednesday, either, which makes me miss my old traditions (I'll try to post about that on Wednesday).

Tomorrow and Good Friday are totally meat-less and animal product-less, although we can eat fish. Don't ask, I don't really get it either. As an aside, when I was a practicing Roman, I never got why we couldn't eat meat on Fridays during Lent either. Byz Caths abstain from meat on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent, but we can eat dairy, eggs, and fish. Bring on the fish & chips and ravioli, please!

(I say "practicing Roman" because ritually speaking, I am still a Roman Catholic. It's kind of like being a registered Republican, but voting Democratic--it's all about numbers and "where" you are. Does it matter in God's eyes? I tend not to think so. Plus, Turtle himself was Roman for years and didn't even know it, even though he practiced as a Byz. Note to self: share that story sometime; it's a hoot, if you're into church jokes/humor, haha.)

Soooo back to today! Tonight we're celebrating my dad's birthday, which was yesterday, by having my parents and brother over for dinner. On the menu: pasta with clam sauce (including bacon!), homemade garlic bread, salad, and of course, some kind of cake. My mom's bringing that. Definitely a "fat" meal in more ways that one, haha. Turtle's at the store right now getting the last minute ingredients and I should be cleaning up and getting stuff done.

I hope everyone--no matter their rite or denomination--has a good and spiritually full fast. And no, I'm not giving anything up. Personally, I think that's lame. (And, um, I always cheat if it's food-related, ha.) I'm going to try and be a better friend, wife, worker, person. Let's see how this goes.

Right church, wrong pew?

All of my life, I've enjoyed singing. I was always in the choirs/choruses from 5th grade on. Even in college, I sang for a bit--both in the college's women's choir, and for the liturgical choir. (I didn't last very long in either college vocal group--too much going on with my coursework!) I sing in the car, in the shower, while doing chores. I make up silly songs about what I'm doing, etc. (Regarding my previous post, I might be lazy, and my children might inherit that, but at least they'll be highly entertained by my made up songs!)

Anyway, one of the things I like about attending a Byzantine church is that the liturgy is entirely sung, and everyone is encouraged to participate.

I never considered myself a great singer. Sure, I'm good, I guess. I'm very humble about my voice. Part of it comes from growing up in a town and attending a high school that's very well-known for its choral singers. If you were great, you knew it. Everyone did. I never considered myself that great, because I never got any solos, never made it into the musicals, never made it into the show choirs. I can't really sight-sing, but I do know my notes. Dabbling in clarinet, violin, and piano will do that.

(However, I did shock everyone by performing a song, all by myself, at the senior showcase concert.)

Back to the present. Turtle has been complementing me on my voice more and more lately while we're at Liturgy...or, maybe more like afterward. Since we sit near the front, by ourselves, I don't fear anyone hearing me and thinking I sound horrible. I kept telling him, "sure...I'm not that great, really..."

One of our priests, Father T., has talked with Turtle about becoming more involved with Liturgy. I'm not going to say too much right now about that...I will discuss it more when the time is right. When Father T. had asked Turtle this question, he also asked me a question. The conversation went something like this:

Fr. T: Do you sing?
Me: Uhhh, well...
Fr. T: I see you singing during Liturgy, you should go upstairs with the choir. (The "blessing" of sitting so close to the iconostasis, the priests notice things!)
Me: Oh I don't know, we'll see. (getting redder and redder by the minute....)
Turtle: She really should, I keep telling her.
Fr. T: Well, nothing has to be decided now.
Me: Okay, sounds good!

Fast forward to Sunday. Our parish had a St. Nicholas brunch after Liturgy in our hall (which is in the basement--sounds funny to say "hall," but go downstairs). When it was time for us to go, we made our way over to Father T to say goodbye. He was talking with another couple who we see all of the time--the wife sings in the choir, and the husband...I guess he'd be called an usher? He sits in the back and keeps an eye on things, does the collections, holds the Gospel for Father, etc.

The five of us were chatting...and I felt terrible because we'd been attending Liturgy here for over a year, and we didn't know their names! Before I could ask them, the husband said to me "I just have to tell you, I hear you singing when I am passing the basket, and you have a beautiful voice." The wife said something similar later, and she reminded me that I had sat behind her during a holy day when the choir sang in the sanctuary instead of the choir loft. They both encouraged me to join the choir. (And we formally introduced ourselves, he is N, she is M)

My face was pretty red, and I was doing the "no, no...I'm not THAT good" thing that everyone does when they are humble about something.

Then Father T. "outed" Turtle by saying that when he does his "thing," maybe I would go up there so I wouldn't be alone during Liturgy. That took the pressure off of me for a bit!

I'll be honest: I have been thinking more and more about joining the choir--even before N & M complimented me. Maybe I am a great singer. Maybe my voice was destined for a higher purpose than show choirs and school solos. I'm trying to write this with humility...I'm not walking around, thinking about trying for a record contract. I'm still shy, I'd still be nervous to get up in that choir loft as a "newbie" and I would NOT be auditioning to sing/chant the Epistle any time soon!

That's what I meant about right church, wrong pew--maybe I was just singing in the wrong place all of those years? Maybe I do have a great voice...and it was just falling on deaf ears?

Saying goodbye

My grandfather passed away last week. He was 85 and had been in declining health for years due to strokes. In the last month, things had gone very downhill. Due to some family logistics, we won't be having the funeral until next Monday. (Yay family drama!)

My parents haven't been to church in awhile, and for my uncles it's been a VERY long while. It makes me sad that I'm the most religious out of my entire family--and now I'm the one working on the plans for the funeral Mass.

Tonight, while typing this, I'm reviewing hymns. My family's parish provided me with a list of hymns and in which parts of the Mass they are typically used, as well as a packet of the readings. Thank God for youtube, seriously, because I don't remember a hymn until I hear it. Just seeing the names doesn't do it for me, not to mention that I haven't been to a Roman Mass in months. Byzantine Liturgies don't have as many hymns. Plus, I want to make sure it's the "right one." I looked over the readings earlier, but I'm still not 100% positive on any of them. Turtle's better at that stuff, I might have him take a look too.

As for the hymns, I think we're going with:
Entrance: Be Not Afraid
Offertory: I'm torn between Come Back to Me (Norbet) and You Are Mine
Communion: Prayer of St. Francis
Recessional: On Eagle's Wings (One of the suggestions was Lift High the Cross--UMMM NO. That's too "chipper" for a funeral.)

For the Psalm: Still undecided.

This is hard. You want it to be appropriate, but fitting for the person. I think the only thing I can do is pray that I make the right choice. I know Grandpa wouldn't really care which song or reading was chosen--as long as the person chose it with their heart.

I can sense another post brewing from the statement I'm about to make: it's hard being religious when your family and friends are not.

A little field trip

Turtle and I try to attend Mass/Liturgy every Sunday. Some weeks we attend a Roman rite Mass, some weeks we attend a Byzantine rite Liturgy--either at Turtle's "home" church, or a new one we've started visiting that's a little closer to home.

Yesterday was Palm Sunday, which is a pretty big deal as far as church "holidays" go. With Turtle's friend coming over at NINE AM to help him with building the workbench, it looked like we weren't going to be able to make a Liturgy/Mass. Crap. Baaaad Catholics.

Turtle did some digging, and he found a Mass at 6 PM about a 1/2 hour away from our house! Great! One little catch: it was in Latin. Celebrated in the style of pre-Vatican II, like the Masses our parents attended when they were little. We were both curious, so we said "why not?"

As you may or may not know, in a Latin Mass, the priest faces the altar and EVERYTHING is in Latin. Luckily, in high school I sang a Latin Mass a few times, and I did attend a Catholic college, so I could get by. Turtle barely knows any Latin, nevermind the Mass. The church is actually a Basilica (and I'm still learning about the differences between a plain old church and a Basilica) and was GORGEOUS inside. This picture here is not the church we attended, but looks pretty similar. High ceilings, marble columns, you name it, this church had it. There was a choir singing when we entered and they were beautiful.

Some of you might know that in the "old days," women had to cover their heads, with hats, handkerchiefs, etc. My mom told me once that in a pinch, you could get by with a tissue. I went prepared--I had a black wrap that was big enough to cover the back of my head. I wasn't having the greatest of hair days, so this kinda worked in my favor! A few women also had their heads covered...but most did not. Maybe they didn't know?

There was just one priest, but many deacons and altar servers assisting him. I hadn't seen so many people up on the altar in a long time. It was cool to see everyone having a part in the Mass, doing something different. They actually dressed the altar for Palm Sunday right then, signifying that Holy Week had begun. I'd never seen this before. We also had a procession around the church's interior, with our palm branches, also something I'd never done.

The Mass itself was a little out there, only because we didn't know the exact parts AND because the Palm Sunday Mass is different than the regular Masses. We had a book to follow along, but it wasn't lining up with what the priest was saying. Regardless, we really enjoyed this experience and how we sort of stumbled upon it. We're going back, after Easter, when it'll be more of a normal Mass. Very cool.

Lenten food update

Just a quick post since I'm preheating an oven and waiting for milk to boil. Here's what we've been eating this Lent, so far:

First Monday (I forgot the technical name): shrimp scampi, rice, asparagus

"Ash" Wednesday: tuna melts (it was quick for after work)

Friday: pizza (one pie had red sauce & mozz, one was white with spinach & ricotta--YUM)

Wednesday (today): frozen mahi mahi fillets (thank you Costco) with a panko breading, mashed potatoes, salad.

I would have loved to have made Alton Brown's Macadamia Nut Crusted Mahi Mahi but we have no macadamias. (That recipe is GOOD, btw) I just used his directions for how much panko, how much flour, how much butter. I'll throw some lemon juice on the fish in lieu of the coconut milk. We do have THAT, but I'm not wasting an entire can for 2 TBS.

Friday will probably be shrimp scampi again. Turtle wanted shrimp Alfredo, but no dice. See previous post as to why. At least with this shrimp scampi I can use butter and Parmesan cheese!

I promise I will get more creative...we have fish sticks from Costco in the freezer too! Don't you just want to come to OUR house?! ;-)

It's gonna get stuck in your head again this year...

The Filet-O-Fish is back for Lent...complete with the oh-so catchy jingle!

http://www.slashfood.com/2010/02/18/gimme-back-that-filet-o-fish-again/?icid=main|aim|dl2|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.slashfood.com%2F2010%2F02%2F18%2Fgimme-back-that-filet-o-fish-again%2F

You KNOW you want one...mmmm, processed fish parts, compressed into an unnatural shape...

I've never had one, actually.

Oh yeah, it's Lent...

One of the things I do want to blog about here is our adventures in cooking, since it's something that we love to do, and we do in our house (especially now that we have a HUGE kitchen)...and on occasion, I will blog about faith/religion, since that's also an important part of our lives.

So here's a topic that combines the two--Lent. If you're Catholic, most of you started today. We started Monday, because Turtle is Byzantine Catholic and I am now Byzantine by proxy. I was raised Roman Catholic, but for a lot of reasons, we go "East." Another topic for another day.

Anywhoo, ByzCaths abstain from all animal products, except fish/seafood (yeah, I don't get it either) on the first Monday of Lent and on Good Friday. No meat, no dairy, no poultry. I can eat vegetarian just fine, but vegan is tough. Especially when you don't eat that way 363 days out of the year! Also during Lent, ByzCaths abstain from meat/poultry on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent. You Romans know the Friday deal--we go "harder core" and do it twice a week. At least we can have eggs and dairy!

What throws us for a loop is what to eat...

On Monday, we had peanut butter and banana sandwiches on RYE BREAD for breakfast because that was the only bread in the house without dairy or eggs. It didn't taste too bad. No lunch for me, only because I wasn't hungry, but I did snack on some Tostitos. Again, no animal products, so who cares if it's junk food, right? I had bought some frozen shrimp at the store on Saturday in preparation for Monday's dinner, and figured I could make shrimp scampi but leave out the butter (just use olive oil), with rice and a veggie. Awesomely, asparagus was on sale.

That went off without a hitch and the scampi was pretty good although we both missed the little bit of butter that is usually added to the olive oil. Oh and the cheese! We definitely missed the Parmesan sprinkled on top of our food! But we survived and all was well.

But what sucks is remembering that we can't always have leftovers. I see where the sacrifice comes in to play ;-)

Sunday I had made pulled pork, but we couldn't eat it on Monday. So we ate it again last night, and it was fine, but it wouldn't have lasted til Thursday. We had to throw it out. I hate wasting food, mostly because it's a huge waste of MONEY. (You will soon learn that I try to be pretty frugal and I really enjoy meal planning.) On Thursday, we can eat meat again, but it has to be something that either we'll eat in one night, or if there are leftovers, will be OK until Saturday.

So here is our week:
Sunday--pulled pork
Monday--shrimp scampi
Tuesday--leftover pulled pork
Wednesday--tuna melts
Thursday--pork tenderloin (usually we try not to have too much of one animal at a time, but it just worked out this way, this week)
Friday--I don't know!
Saturday--also don't know, but we can have meat, so not a big deal

Like most of my stories, I'm getting to the "meat" (hahaha, I made a pun!) of the story 5 minutes after I started. The point of this post: I need help figuring out what to eat on our meatless days! I also want to keep costs down but be as healthy as possible. We could do pizza, sure, but that's a bit pricey and not so healthy. Not that tuna melts are tons better...

I already warned Turtle that there might be "eggs and toast" nights...he was cool with that. (And I'm pumped since I got a free dozen eggs at the grocery store recently!) But even that gets old.

PEOPLE: GIVE ME YOUR RECIPES FOR MEATLESS DISHES! If I make them, I will give you a shout out and what could be better than a random interwebz shout out?