Sunday, March 20, 2011

On being the baby maker...and the bread winner, part 2

I felt like my part 1 didn't really talk that much about Jessica's post, so I wanted to go back on comment on that!

Re: adoption. For some reason, I've always been interested in it. I don't know where my interest came from, especially since when I was growing up, I only knew one adoptee (as far as I knew). The husband sees things a bit differently, and like Jessica's DH, he feels the need to continue his blood line. (Which is ironic since over the past few years we've discovered some things about his family. To keep it simple, let's just say that certain family members were not raised by their biological parents, and even if they were never officially adopted by the "stand in" parent, it was pretty much the same thing. So much for those "blood lines," eh? lol)

We are open to adoption, as we don't know what sorts of problems we might have conceiving biological children. In fact, when Turtle was in the hospital (long before we were married, before we were even engaged!), he had a dream that we got married, and then adopted a whole family of Hispanic children--like 6 or 8 siblings. Anything is possible :)

But we also know the hurdles and obstacles that accompany the adoption process. I saw it first-hand at work as the owners of my company adopted a little girl (toddler) from Russia. I was there almost 2 years by the time they went to bring her home, and they started the process long before I was employed there. She is doing extremely well; they were very lucky to have been matched with a healthy, strong child. Not everyone is lucky, though, and not all children are born healthy. Some develop conditions along the way. Both instances are just like any biological children a couple might have.

I appreciate what Jessica is saying about adopting children of a different race, and for the most part, I think I feel similarly. While my DH might have had a dream about Hispanic children, I don't know what we would do in all reality. Being adopted can be hard enough (or as hard as you make it for the child) but to be obviously different? I don't know. For many reasons, DH and I are drawn to Eastern Europe--and would probably begin our search there if it came to that. Just saying that makes me feel horribly exposed, as if I'm a xenophobe or racist. Does that make us bad if we didn't want an American child? (Oh no, their bio parents might be out there and want the child back!) A child who is not Caucasian? (Oh no, the kid looks totally different than you!!) From what I've learned, every system has it's pros and cons, so there's not one thing better than another. It's more about what works for the family.

I feel that there is no right or wrong answer, as long as you go where your heart leads you and you are searching for a child for the right reasons. Everyone is called to a different place. Some down the street, some across the globe. And in the end, as long as a child gets a loving family, that's what truly matters.

I can see where Jessica is coming from on many levels. Being a parent in general, bio vs adopted kids, working while pregnant/parenting, etc. I think my "comment" is now finished!


  1. Thanks for your "comment"! :) I like seeing where our thoughts are similar and different. It's nice to know I'm not alone in some things (like shying away from transracial adoption) but that you would prefer international adoption (so I don't feel as guilty for wanting to adopt an American baby, as if everyone wants to). From your other post, it definitely sounds like you would be happier with another job! It's interesting for us because Mike isn't concerned about being the "provider" and we've known since the beginning that I would be the primary breadwinner, but this complicates things in a different way--since he works part-time and isn't really aggressively trying to find a full-time job (since he'll stop working when we have kids anyway), if I were forced to leave work while pregnant, then we'd really be hard up for money. I can definitely relate to your worries about money, even though we've been able to save some money every month. Good luck with everything and thanks for sharing your thoughts! I always enjoy reading them.

  2. maybe you feel called to Eastern Europe because you are Byzantine Catholic :) Some people feel called and ready for special needs or different races- some don't- we probably won't adopt, but we are trying to get organized to help orphanages in the old country- if everybody did SOMETHING, what a wonderful world it would be!

  3. Jessica--hahahahaha! OHHHH YES I would be so happy with another job! Honestly, I would like to have the CHOICE in getting to stay home or working. There's something freeing about making a choice and it being OK to change your mind. Right now, we don't have that option. I think I wouldn't mind working so much if I was in a job that I loved, with a company that wasn't so...unfair with certain things. I don't believe an employer has to give you tons of handouts and every perk imaginable, but man, make it easier to at least raise a family! I'd love to share some of the things I've seen and heard over the past 4.5 years, but I'm paranoid. But who knows, after we switch to DH's insurance, maybe things will be easier for us?

    Priest's Wife--well, that's not the only reason :) DH's mom was born in Slovakia and came over as a very little girl so we have a different connection than people who's parents were born in this country. I'm also half Polish. There's a few other reasons too.

  4. Jessica I didn't have the pleasure of reading your obviously I don't know what was said...but as someone who has adoption in their family plan, just going to add my 2 cents!

    Where to adopt from is very much a personal preference, as is what they are willing to "take on" so to speak. Some people only wish to adopt infants or new borns...some want only children of a certain race, some only want healthy children and aren't willing to take on emotional/medical issues. Its all based on their comfort level.

    However, in my mind, a child is a child is a child. And every child deserves to be loved. And, the fact is, worldwide, there are more children that need to be adopted than there are suitable adoptive parents. So the harsh reality is that even here in the US, there will be many many children that will "outgrow" the foster care system and never know what its like to be part of a family or a loving home.

    In my mind, in regards to interracial adoption placement, I think it would be far more "awkward" for the child to never grow up in a stable loving environment than it would be to have parents that were a different race than them. I am no psychologist, so thats just my opinion...I have no idea if its valid or not.

    And as far as children with special is a proven fact that they do much better in loving homes than they ever could in an instituional environment. Having people that have a vested interest in having the child thrive and reach their full potential is what every special child needs. Sure, its far more work, as I have learned from my biological son...but 100% worth it. There is nothing better than seeing a child thrive and succeed in your care...because you loved them.

    But again, it all depends on the individuals comfort level and what they are willing to commit to.

    For us, whatever child chooses us to be their parents, we are happy to have them!

  5. Psst, Katy, you can see that here: I will email it to you also in case you don't see this comment. :)

  6. Durrr, my manners. Thanks also for chiming in with your thoughts! I had hoped you would comment on the adoption aspect since I know it's a plan for you & your DH :)


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